Comfort

They find you enclosed in your hard shell. Where you’ve hidden yourself from the sorrows and sadness of life. Yet, they find it easy to call you out into the world.

They said there’s more life compared to the hard shell. They said there’s more light outside the shell.

Little did they know you were hiding from mostly, the more life and you find comfort in the darkness of the shell.

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Such Nights

You give out so much energy without minding about whether you receive the same from them. You give your 100%, but they have never given you their 1%. You think that’s okay because you have made yourself believe that’s just fine and how it should be. 

Later on you realize it was never meant to be like that. It’s only now that you are noticing they’ve taken you for a fool. Worst of all a blind fool. 

It is only now that when you have soaked so many pillows with your tears every night do you get the picture. When you’ve cried more tears than the whole world has ever seen that you notice you deserve way better than they treated you. 

The world doesn’t owe you nothing, as much as you don’t owe them any explanation when you rise up, built a bridge across the river of tears and crossed it, leaving it burning down in flames so you may never go back to where you cane from. Child, your night tears mean nothing to them. 

Stop crying. Next time I wanna see you cry, is when your puppy dies. Because puppies are actually better than most humans. 

FUCK THAT SHIT

I can see the pain in your eyes
You are trying to hide behind it
But I won’t believe your plain lies
Because I want to give you the aid you need.

I have never seen you smile since we met
Because you think being sad is enough
I have a number of jokes I need to crack
Just to make you laugh.
The only thing you needed was joy
So you gave him your heart
And he played it like a toy
And left you hurt.

PAIN

Pain is as bad as the sound of its name, painful
It demands not so much, other than you to just feel it
That is what makes it unbearable
You can cry all you want to let that pain out
You can get used to crying because, you know, it’s not as painful
But I tell you,
You will never get used to the pain your heart feels after every breakdown.

MOVING ON

There is nothing as painful as a relationship break up. Unless you never truly loved that person. The fact that the journey you once thought would never end has come to an end is heart breaking. The fact that the person you thought would never leave your side has left is sad and hard to accept.
Who could have ever thought that the person you called the love of your life is no longer the ‘love of your life’? It’s sad to think that what you once shared meant absolutely nothing and sometimes it takes years to realize it, after a terrible break up.
Life is full of surprises, lessons and blessings. Life will make you feel like you have finally found the person you can grow old with, only for that break up to come out of nowhere and ruin it for you. After that break up, you will realize a thing or two. What you had was meant to be a lesson, a blessing or both. But I tell you, do not force things that are not meant to be. It is an absolute waste of time. Do not lie to yourself that you cannot live without that person’s love. Do not hurt yourself, do not waste your time, do not delay opportunities that are out there waiting for you. Move on.
Break ups are a pain, and moving on is what heals the pain. No matter how deep the wounds may be, moving on is the best way to heal them. Let go of what you have lost. Take it step by step. Do not take it too personal and very soon, even the memories will start fading, becoming completely vague. Do not hold on to what you can never have. Someone said, ‘often times, we look so longer to the closed doors that we don’t realize the door which has been opened for us’. I strongly agree. Let go of what was and hope for what is to be, which must be better.

Pride

Pride. I have heard of this word for such a long time now, but no one has ever made me understand it fully. Not the dictionary definition, but in terms of speaking.
For instance, Girl A hurts Girl B. Girl A has been convinced to do an apology for the thing she has done is really bad. She does not do it. Instead, she tells her friends that she has so much pride to apologize for her wrong doing. She believes she must stand for what she has said, be it good or bad. She says apologies are for the weak and she is strong and can’t go against that for a simple apology.
And then I ask myself, so pride is like this? If it is, I never want to have it.
If it’s not like that, this girl must be ashamed of her wrong doing. She must be embarrassed to do the walk of shame and stand in front of that innocent being and say ‘sorry’ from her heart. Apologies are not so easy, but as long as you mean it, it is all that matters.
So please next time when you find yourself in this kind of situation, before you lie to us you have so much pride that you can’t swallow, swallow your embarrassment. Do the walk of shame and apologize. Do not hide behind your so called pride. It only hurts the already hurt person. Don’t be a double heart breaker.

Alone Time

Being alone is something that is important. Very important. It is a thing that must be practised now and then. It should as well be respected. Being alone must be a human right, and whoever disturbs anybody, must be fined for violating it.

Being alone is not a sign of being lonely as most peopme see it. Once in a while, you need to take a break from the crowd and just spend as much alone time as you can. Take time and thank mother nature for the beautiful views. Breathe in the fresh air and let the cool breeze play with your cheeks in attempt of massaging them. Take time to listen to the singing birds.

Think of many things. Let your head drift from one moment to another. Replay memories as if they are happening now. Good or bad, let them drift.

And when you see me alone next time, please don’t ask me why, just respect my right and walk away. Because even if you wave, I might not see you. 

Yes, to being alone becoming a right. And yes, to being fined after disturbing someone. Because some people just don’t get it. 

Cry, Baby Cry

“Big Girls Don’t Cry”     “Man Up, You Little Boy, Dust Off And Wipe Those Tears”     “Don’t Be Such A P*ssy”      “Men Don’t Cry”

You might have heard, probably been told one of those phrases.

I’m sorry, but when I need to cry I’m gonna cry. 

I’m sorry when my son is hurt I’m gonna tell him to cry out as loud as he can. 

I’m sorry I’m gonna let my boyfriend cry when he needs to.

“Be A Man And Don’t Cry” such nonsense. 

I’m sorry I’m not sorry that I’m gonna let you cry when pain kicks in.

I mostly feel sorry for the Men. They are not entirely allowed to show the pain they feel. They are not allowed to show how hurt they really are. They not allowed to show the ‘weak emotions’. When they show anger, murderous behavior, madness and hate, that’s when society rejoices and sings kumbaya to how manly they are. Like yeah, ‘that is how a man should deal with pain’. 

Really!?

Dear Brother, Boyfriend, Son, Father, Uncle, Friend, cry when you have to. Sob as long as you want. That pain you are holding in will eat you up. It will feed on you. It will take away your happiness. That pain is gonna replace your happiness with sadness. One way or another when you can’t contain all the pain at once, it’s gonna free itself and it is never a good thing when it does that.

When you show hate and madness, it is not being manly anymore. That’s idiocricy. Because you are being controlled by emotions you have kept hidden within you. 

Crying is showing emotion, of course. But not weak emotions. When you cry you accept the challenge life has thrown at you, and you use of those tears to snap back at life like, ‘yeah, challenge accepted’. That’s just how I see it. 

When they find you seated on your throne happily and ask how you did it, Tell them straight you cried. You let the sadness out to make room for the happiness you deserve.

You’d be surprised to find that most men will still walk away thinking that you are a coward. But that does not matter. 

Just be the unique King of your palace who cries when needed, rather than show anger, for you have chosen not to follow what society believes in.

Unique is sexy after all. 

How I Wish I Could Explain

There are things we don’t understand about each other. There are things you don’t understand about me. There are things I don’t understand and probably never will understand about you.

A number of people have asked me to explain myself, but I’ve never been the ‘Kevin Hart’ to explain what I do or how I do it. Never will be, anyway. But I wish I could be for a day or two just so I explain and clear things that people don’t understand about me. There are things I don’t understand about me either. So making an attempt of explaining things I don’t understand would be pointless, and convincing people to just take me as I am would be useless.

So I let myself be, hoping that other people would accept me for who I am. 

To think of it, I don’t owe anybody any explanation. Really. 

In The Kasi

I finish writing my exam late in the evening. I wearily walk to the taxi rank, hoping that I get cab as soon as I get there. The struggle is always real for me and it never ceases to get harder everyday. I live on the outskirts of the city where taxis only go when the road is really dry, otherwise, the struggle continues.

“This must be my lucky day,” I say to myself as I got in a cab and pray for a safe journey home.

Getting off, I had to choose between giving my life or my laptop and phone to these guys who do nothing but survive on other people’s goods. I have this kind of debate every day. 

I see them scattered aroundy street, getting high on weed and blowing puffs off their cigars. Oh my God! I want to hold on tight to my bag, but that would show that I am hiding something valuable and in turn, getting their attention. I want to walk like I belong here, In The Kasi, with them, but with my fragile figure, I can’t pull it off so easily.

In that instant moment, I say a short prayer, handing over the wheel to The Man Above, with Psalm 23 playing on the back of my head on repeat. I walk past them and I a blink of an eye, I am locking our house door behind me, safe and in one piece.